For someone that once developed the attitude of “this is who I am”, some will like me and some won’t, so be it, has recently changed her mind on that.

I know that sometimes, there are character traits that we have that make us likeable or unlikeable. Sometimes, we must accept if we want to change those traits or not. The “this is who I am” attitude does not always cut it. It can leave you feeling very lonely and when we develop that attitude, we need to stop and reflect on what made us change to those feelings.

I know that it is true that not all people are going to like us, but that does not mean that we can just act and say whatever we want, with the, “take it or leave it” attitude, as carrying that attitude is not rewarding us nor is it helping us.

When I first started my job at the hospital, we all were encouraged to take a personality test to see what our strong traits were and how those traits can help us contribute to our workplace, as well as interacting with others. My strengths varied from Maximizer, Positivity, Communicator, Arranger, and Activator. All of these were felt to be a plus for the position that I was in, but over time, I know that they eventually waned. By the time I left my place of work, I wonder if I had taken the Strength Finders test at that time what my personality traits would have revealed.

I always thought in the past that I was likeable, but over the years, I know that I had changed. I think over time when you are consistently made to feel unimportant and are unsupported, it is only natural for us to eventually change how we feel about people, our situation, and as well as our community, but most of all, ourselves.

We blame those that we feel are accountable for our change.

Others do impact us as we cannot always turn the other cheek. We are not always in positions where we can walk away. We are also told from people that are not in the situation that we are “the only ones that can control how we react to how people treat us”, although over time, we start to believe that we are not worth listening to or our thoughts and ideas are not worthy. We are not valuable.

Eventually when you feel this way, we start acting that way.

Separating myself from those that once I had thought so highly of and supported for most of my life, as well as in my work life, I was able to focus on myself and to reset. I was no longer involved in “circles” that were pulling me into insecurities and feelings of powerlessness, as I became someone over time, that I know I wouldn’t have even liked.

I had to reset.

I had to give myself time to be surrounded by all those that do love me. Those that do support me, as well as want to hear me. Thankfully that was my family. I know that not all people have the opportunity to just stop and reset themselves.

The outside world was just getting to be too much for me, and some will understand this, and some will not. Once my husband understood that I was mentally breaking and with that, I was also physically breaking, he was able to support me and provide me with a whole new purpose.

Giving me the time to “reset”.

Although not all will be able to just remove themselves from everything that makes them anxious, sad, or even all the “ugly”, we need to recognize our mental health and take care of ourselves. We may find that there are other means to help reset our minds and how we feel about life, like by leaving an unsupportive job and finding one that has positive values and not negative, removing ourselves from friend circles that are making us feel bad and not good. We have to make a change. We are the only ones that will take care of us.

Take your time.

 Reset.  

Find yourself again.

You may not ever be who you once were, the person that some found likeable, nor will you be the person that you transitioned to be for a time that you were in your “defense” mode, but eventually, you will be the person that you can look in the mirror at, and love again.

It took me a few years, but I am finally back.