I have never been the type of mom that wanted my boys to have a girlfriend in high school. I have been around moms that kind of were instigators for their child to date. They would encourage their son or daughter to ask someone out even.

 I was the type of mom that when I would overhear other people talk to my sons and would be asking if they had a girlfriend or if they liked someone, I would be rolling my eyes and hoping they would say, “no”. In all honesty, I would even try to deter them from dating or at least from being serious with someone in high school. I was always like just ask her to prom or to Homecoming, but do not date her. I did not see the reason for it. I mean, was this high school dating even necessary, I was cynical and would ask, “Are you looking for a wife?” and the answer was thankfully, “No.” Then why date, I would say.

I think it might be that I have always felt that I wanted my boys’ high school years to just be carefree and to not worry about all the “stuff” that goes into dating, not to mention that dating these days kind of looks different than it did in my day.  I am sure some of my feelings come from my own experiences of high school dating, as well as some trauma from it.

I think we all have our own ideas about dating, early on as my guys were getting into those middle school years, we had many discussions about dating in our church that were directed towards teenagers and dating, they all made sense to me as a mom. I also had an older friend whose son was older than my children that had decided not date until he was ready to find a wife. He did not start dating until after he finished college. I found this very admirable and honestly, it made sense to me.

High school dating just makes life more complicated, and no one is at the maturity level that it takes to have a truly strong healthy relationship in our teenage years. We might think we are mature, but in actuality, adulting and relationships can be so complicated. Relationships when we are young can also leave scars and can leave us with regrets. Maybe some may think this is all pretty crazy thinking, especially since I married my high school boyfriend, but it wasn’t easy along with the relationships I had prior to meeting him, they were all a bit messy and brought on some drama with them.

I think back to my days of dating and “going out” with someone, how one day, you are considered a couple and then “the juggling” comes into play with sports and academics, and then sooner or later all kinds of insecurities surface. Jealousies and more. These days they have their phones and God forbid if a snapchat goes unopened for an hour or more, as I have heard my sons and their friends talk about this and how demanding it can be for them, this social media dating along with the in-person dating can seem to be too much. If we are snapchatting all day every day, what do we talk about when we are together? When my husband and I were dating, we had a landline phone and we talked to each other maybe a couple of times a week. We did not attend the same school and then he went off to college and then I did. We did not see each other every weekend, but we did write to each other, and I do remember getting those letters in the mail, but we never held it over each other’s heads if one did not write and the other one did.

When my oldest was a senior and started seeing a girl from a small town over an hour away, we never expected it to last. He was leaving for the Marines and from what I had read that “girlfriends from back home”, were rarely in the picture after boot camp. The day we went to that MEPS Center, and we sat together on those cold folding chairs amongst all the other families that were sending their child off to a branch of the military that day, this young girl, my husband and I, sat in silence and waited and when the time came, we said our, “see ya laters”, we both held back our tears until we got in the car and together we sobbed, all the way home, right there I knew her heart was with him, as much as mine was. Overtime, I got attached to this girl that shared her letters with me that she would get and vice versa. We would take her out for dinner any time we got a chance. When boot camp graduation came around, we bought her a plane ticket and we all flew out to San Diego for all of us to experience Family Day and his graduation together. This girl had my heart and was so thankful for her in my son’s life. She was different than all the other girls that he had dated. Young but reminded me of myself in some ways. I swore that if my son hurt her, I would have no choice than to disown him. Just kidding. Maybe. Thankfully, he married her, and they have made us grandparents to the sweetest boys.

The one thing any mom would want is for their son to date a young woman that wants to be with him, to not be condemning or controlling of him, as well as allows grace when needed, as they are their father’s son, and just to add, if they are looking for romance, my boys may not be their first choice, as that is not what was exampled in our home. I was never that type of woman that wanted to be “woo-ed” or anything too over the top. I have always been a simple girl that has appreciated the little things, the type that if he went to the concessions stands or stopped at a convenience store and he brought me a drink and a candy bar without asking, that was all I needed to know I was loved. I never expected a big deal over our Anniversary, which is probably good, as young me wanted a fall wedding in the middle of October although she was marrying a farmer, which makes for just another day during harvest time. Oh, well.

So, although dating in high school was not ever something that I encouraged, now that my boys are out of high school, I do pray for them that they will one day find someone like my oldest son has. Someone that is easy going, has a great sense of humor, and makes family get togethers so fun and relaxed and loves full-heartedly. She has, unbeknownst to her, set the standards so high.

Both of my younger sons have dated beautiful intelligent young ladies, but not always has the timing been just right, so I pray that one day, that as the time rolls and the years come with maturity and growth for them, that if it is meant to be, it will be, as I see so many times that although some may separate through the years, that eventually they do find their way back to each other.

I know God has a plan for us and for our hearts, we just have to trust in His timing and not ours.

God. Hope. Love. Faith. Trust.