Funny thing about me. I forgive so easily and crazy enough, I may forget too, just depending on what happened.

Some things happen and we ask for forgiveness from those that we hurt. We are human and we do just that sometimes, we hurt those that we love, not intentionally. It may be our tone, our demeanor, a bad day, whatever it is. We all make mistakes and some of us, if we could, we would take back words said in anger and even jealousy. We would take back our actions that we may not have thought through the consequences of or impact they may have.

I am a forgiving person for the most part and genuinely do wish well for people, including those that may have damaged our friendship or whatever it may be. Sometimes though there are things that happen to us or things that people do to us that have not been concluded. They are just open-ended, and the scenario just replays in our heads.

Pettiness, or is it? Sometimes, I think the hurt stings longer than we like to allow it to.

A few summers ago, prior to our annual Sisterhood of Marine MoMs’ Trip, I was going through some personal “stuff”. This trip consists of many of us that have raised Marines, which have met through a Sisterhood Marine Mom Facebook support page, we meet up once a year for some laughs, hugs, many stories, and we build lifetime friendships.  Although, I was having a lot of anxiety before, during and through the whole trip, I love being with my Marine Mom Sisters. I had almost canceled going many times, as I was battling the anxiety of the “what ifs”. I was encouraged to go, since these were my “people”, my sisters and who better to be with when you are dealing with “stuff” than with those that you have strong connections with and are friends with. I was also so blessed to have my sister-in-law go with me, as she is my calm. Anyone who has dealt with anxiety knows that having a “wingman” is so important when that feeling overcomes you, just to have someone with you that is family and truly cares for you and your well-being.

 One afternoon, we were taking our group pictures, it was extremely hot and maybe more so for someone who may have been experiencing perimenopausal symptoms in the heat of the Carolinas, which may have been me. The photo shoot just kept going on and on and it was getting to be too much for some, maybe again, just mainly me, but we powered through, and we got all our photos completed.  As we were leaving one of the MoMs wanted her picture taken with another MoM and because she only had a photo of her Marine on her iPad, I suggested a shady area for their photo shoot so that her Marine may show up a little better than right out in the sun, as I touched her shoulder to direct her, she snapped at me and told me to not touch her, I was taken back and thought perhaps she was just teasing, so again I directed her to a shady area and again she snapped at me with pure hate and told me to never touch her again. I was so confused by her words and her actions, but not wanting to make more of a scene, I just let it be.

That night we all went to the beach and were standing in a circle and were holding hands before our closing prayer, many kind words were spoken about the trip and the love each one felt for other "sisters' in the group, when it came to my turn to speak, I could not. I still had the bitterness of what took place earlier in the day, too fresh in my heart and on my mind. I was so disappointed that this could happen, especially on our Sisterhood trip, where we talk about loving each other and giving grace when we need it as we all come from all walks of life and our Marines all are in different places in their years of service. I had no idea that one’s spiteful feelings towards me would change my overall thoughts of our Sisterhood at that time, but at that moment, it did.

To this day, that scenario comes to me out of the blue. I recap the day and the moments right up to her acting the way she did, her shaking and glaring at me with her unsisterly words spewing out of her mouth that were directed at me and only me. Many of my close MoMs including my sister-in-law were witnesses to that moment and to that day, I have no idea what triggered her to be so spiteful to me. I had sent her an apology the very next day prior to all of us flying out to go home, I thought perhaps she felt I was being too pushy or something, so that was my apology, I did not get a returned apology or any reasoning for why she reacted to me, so that whole scenario is still unconcluded. 

I make up reasons in my head, for instance, maybe it was too hot. Maybe her clothes were too tight or maybe she was hungry or maybe it was anxiety for her, as well. Whatever it may be, I never thought I would be treated like that, let alone by one of my “Sisters”, but it truly goes to show that we can call each other “Sisters”, but all in all, we are not. We are human and some people we like and others we don't. There are some that we have tolerance for in little bits and others, we just don’t, in which it was me that she did not like or even care enough about my feelings, even on a "Sisterhood" trip.

Sadly, I had such high standards for our “Sisterhood of Marine Moms”, and on that day, my idea of our “Sisterhood” changed.

That is the world. That is the way it is. Petty, as it may be at times. Not all of us are “Sisterly”, including myself, I am sure.  I just hope if I have come off that way, that it would be brought to my attention, so I can make it right with that person, as I would not want to intentionally hurt anyone. 

I have since spent time with Sisters from our Sisterhood, including traveling to Arizona and going on smaller scale, Sisterhood trips and outings, which has truly helped in restoring my trust and my ideas of our “Sisterhood”. Staying involved with those that I do connect with has given me love and support that I had envisioned from a group of friends. We share the commonality of having Marines, but our friendships are more than that.

Sometimes we need to give ourselves permission to let go of those that hurt us and stop holding on to unresolved events that only make us question the good in people and stop re-playing those scenarios in our heads, as they do not deserve anymore time or space, so this is my “Good-bye” to that and onward to focusing my energy and my love to those that are my “Sisters”, that are my friends.

Pettiness it was, but now it is done.

Sometimes, it is our own closure that will give us peace.