I Don't Do Death Well.

I don't do Death Well.

Being in the medical field for 29 years, you'd think that I'd be able to know exactly what to say or do when someone loses a loved one.

I don't.

In the hospital setting, we had a policy we'd follow when a patient passed.

I would console the family and be a "hostess" for them to have their time with their loved one before the funeral home's arrival. Offering coffee or some kind of refreshment. Inquiring on ministerial or pastoral care. It was easier for the most part, because I had no connection with them after they left the hospital.

Outside of those walls, death is so different. 

It's not just for an hour or so. Death is more real. It hurts longer. The loss impacts people, for days, months, and years. Changing them. 

I'm an observer and in my years, I have observed people that just seem to "do death well". Meaning that, when someone loses a loved one, they swoop in. They know what to do. They seem to say the right words. They get meals organized. They are the best. They are a godsend. "Wouldn't have been able to get through this without you", type of people.

I don't feel that I will ever be that person, but I hope even in my awkward empathetic being, I can provide some solace in doing what I know to do.

I'll sit with you. I'll listen to your stories. I love getting to know your loved one through you sharing your memories. I'll hug you, because I can do that well,(God made me cushy, just for that).

I may not "do death well", but I'll be there for you, as I, fortunately, have not had to do death very often, but the ones that I have had, have conformed me to who I am today.