“Your eyes are so blue."

Although, many may see this as a compliment or just as an observation, any mention of my eyes makes me so uncomfortable.

Blue eyes run in my family. My parents and all my siblings have blue eyes. It is a very dominant eye color on both sides of my parents’ families amongst their siblings as well as both their parents.

Having blue eyes has brought me some weird encounters but mostly just simple compliments. 

The other night my husband and I were waiting in a line for food and a young woman mentioned to me how pretty my eyes were. Instantly, I wanted to crawl under a rock. I usually will say something like, “Well, thank you. They’re mine" or "Thank you, I'm glad they're pretty because they sure don't work". I also get asked a lot if I am wearing colored contacts. If I was wearing colored contacts it would be brown or hazel, just anything other than these blue eyes.

One day I was going through the drive through for food and the man was handing me my bags and he said, “You have..” and I interrupted him and said, “You, too!”, as I thought he was going to wish me a good day, but nope. He finished what he was going to say to me with a smile, “You have the most beautiful eyes.” I was like, “Well, thanks! I am sure you do too!” Then drove off feeling weird.

Why? Why are these compliments so hard for me? I blame it on the weird encounters I've had from having these blue eyes. 

When I was in my 30’s, I had a supervisor that whenever I was sharing any concerns that I had or was talking to him about anything, he would say to me things like, “I am sorry, I know you were talking but I just get so lost in your blue eyes” or instead of responding to my conversation, he’d would say, “Your eyes are so blue” and would disregard the conversation or anything that I had just told him. I never felt nor did I think this was him “coming on” to me, as I just never felt that way as he would say these things to me around others. I think this was him in a way, saying to me that I can talk all I want but I had nothing important to say. This went on for years. 

My blue eyes seemed to be an open invitation for some people to come into my personal space, as well.

One afternoon, I pulled into our local grocery store and parked with my son that was a 5^th grader at the time. We were having a conversation, so we did not get out immediately. When we were sitting there, a man came over from another vehicle that was parked a few cars away from us but was facing our vehicle. He came over and he tapped on my window. I rolled down my window slightly and glanced over to the vehicle that he came from. There were a few other people in this vehicle, and I noticed their license plates which I could see were from out of town, so I assumed he needed directions or something. With my window slightly down, he proceeded to tell me that he couldn’t help but notice how beautiful my eyes were and how blue they were. I acknowledged they were blue and thanked him and rolled my window back up. He tapped again on my window, so I cracked it a bit as this whole encounter was a bit weird. He asked if there was a “Mister”, I told him that there was, and he told me to tell him that he was a very lucky man. I’m like, “Will do!” Good grief. My son in the backseat, said exactly what I was thinking, “Did that just actually happen?”

One day I was travelling with my oldest son, which was a young teenager at the time, we stopped at a truck stop for gas and a break. I was getting ready to pump the gas and my son ran into the truck stop. A man in an older white Cadillac drove by me very slowly, He was staring at me as I was filling my car up with gas. I stared back at him as I wanted him to know that I knew his “creepiness” and was getting a very good look at him, as well.  He came by again and stopped on the other side of the pump, he said, “Come here” to me. He had not put his car in park, as I could see his brake lights were on. I just kept pumping my gas and glanced over at a few other people that were getting gas, as well. A few made eye contact with me, so I was aware that they could hear him. He kept saying to me, “Come here.” Just at the time that he was getting a little irritated, my son came out and got in the passenger seat of my car and the man drove off. I'm not sure if I blame my blue eyes on this encounter or just being a woman. 

Although I can write a book on many more encounters and how they all have made me feel, I am certain I am not alone.

I am thankful that a few of these encounters were perhaps averted because a child was present and also for those that turned out to be “harmless”, even if I was left feeling uneasy and a bit unsure of others’ intentions at times. I am also thankful for my husband, which assured me that what some of these people did was not right and should never have happened.

I mean, seriously, the nerve of some people.

I had recently read a Facebook post where a young woman in our community was at a car wash and was put in a very uncomfortable situation when six men stood in her wash bay while she was washing her vehicle. I was amazed at the comments on this thread and to learn that people were most concerned about the integrity of these men and the business that was on the side of the van they were driving than the emotions this young woman must have felt. Their reasoning was that because she wasn’t assaulted and because she wasn’t kidnapped, to these commentors there was no harm, so they just wanted her to remove her post and to go on with her day as if what these men did was not impactful on her. That is so wrong, but not everyone will understand. The comments saddened me, as I know too well that feeling of vulnerability and how demeaning it can be when these encounters happen. I feel she needed reassurance from other women and even men that read her post, to know that her "community" had her back and although as intimidating of a situation that was, she was okay.

If you have ever been a victim to these unwanted encounters that may have started as a compliment but then transitioned into leaving you feeling not beautiful or appreciated for who you are or your thoughts or may have left you feeling belittled, maybe worried or even scared, those are not commendatory to our well-being.  

It is not okay for anyone to come into our space and to fill it with their “weirdness”.

Yes, I have blue eyes.

Some things can be noticed, but don't need to be mentioned. Go on with your day and with your observations and I will go on with mine, especially if you are a "weirdo" that feels the need to make things awkward.

But, by the way, thank you for those that just give a simple compliment and leave it there.

It's not your fault that a comment about my eyes puts me in an uncomfortable space.

How would you know?